It doesn’t matter how I got to Faith Farm, it’s the same road most of us took. When I got here, I was broken. I was full of shame, guilt, and deceit. I hated myself, I was on a few different psych meds, and I didn’t believe in God. I have emotionally abused everybody in my life, whether I liked them, truly cared for them, or not.
The only person I ever truly cared for was me, and what a wonderful job I did caring for myself, right? As a direct result of these behaviors, I truly believed that I had caused my mother’s suicide. It was just horrible. I just indulged in a life of sin. That was before getting to Faith Farm.
I was born and raised in Northern Virginia, right outside of Washington, D.C. I come from a typical, modern-day, divorced, middle-class family. Growing up, my sister and I had all of the love and support in the world. Our parents gave us anything that we wanted. We never had to work for anything and it caused a very “lackadaisical” life. I remember in high school, my friends started getting summer jobs and working after school. I decided that I didn’t need to work. So, a great way to pass idle time is to experiment with drugs and alcohol.
I knew growing up that there was something missing in my life. I always knew that. But when I found the drugs, that euphoria that it originally gives you, I thought that was what I had always been missing; the party life. Probably the very first time I took drugs, I knew. I didn’t know I was going to become an addict, but I knew I was going to do drugs. There was no doubt.
I got to Faith Farm about 6-months after moving to Ft. Lauderdale. When my mom committed suicide, I landed in jail. I lost everything. My dad was down here, so I moved down here, stayed at a halfway house, and I did a lot of drugs there.
I ended up here because I really didn’t have anywhere else to go. I remember someone saying to me, you know this is a 9-month commitment? I thought, great, I have a place to stay for 9-mohths. If he had told me I was going to eat chicken 3 times a day for 9-months, I don’t know?
I’ve learned so many things here from all of the teachers, staff, and fellow brothers. It’s endless knowledge. I’ve learned the books of the Bible. I’ve learned that thoughts control your feelings and feelings control your actions. It’s had a huge impact on my life. I’ve learned to keep my thoughts centered on Jesus and the rest will work itself out. I was taught to recognize when I was building up to drink or drug, and again, to shift my focus onto God.