What brought me here to Faith Farm is the same thing that brought most of you. My life had, somehow, through one or more addictions to substances or compulsive behaviors, become completely and irreversibly screwed up. By the age of 28, I had become addicted to pain pills. I had done everything in my life with an all-or-nothing attitude. That method of living didn’t work out with prescription drugs.
For the last 10 years, I have been on a rollercoaster from hell, in and out of detox, halfway houses, 28-day, 42-day or moth-long rehabs, homeless shelters, hospitals, and jails. I have been prescribed drugs in order to keep me off of other prescription drugs.
My life had become completely and deeply rooted in all things involving chemical dependence. I had completely submerged in active use of white-knuckle assets. As you can imagine, this way of life quickly becomes unacceptable to acquaintances, friends, family and law enforcement. I had forsaken those who loved me and chosen to align myself with those who hate me and wanted to destroy me.
I had become many things that God did not create me to be; a loner, an uncaring, selfish user of people and a scandalous, deceitful liar. Those are not the words I would have used at the time to describe me, but I was more than willing to let the devil use those words to describe me. I had submitted myself and my life to the enemy to do whatever he pleased, which was nothing good.
My lifestyle had severely and completely damaged some relationships and destroyed others. You would think after all this; one would finally reach a point of desperation. The point at which you would bend your knees, extend your arms and beg God for anything that would stop this chaos. That’s what I did. God answered.
I was led to Faith Farm. I called and showed up, willing to do anything it took. After being here for about 24-hours and after a night of restless detox sleep, I was no longer sure I was still willing to do anything it took. I took one look around the first morning at chapel. In my expert opinion, I came to the conclusion that everybody here is nuts.
Despite all the moronic things I’ve been doing the last 10 years, I still considered myself quite sane and wanted nothing to do with this happiness and love. What I called it at that time was mass hysteria.
I learned that God has the ability to open doors that no one can close and close doors that no one could open. In other words, God slams shut the doors that lead to any means of escape from here. I’m stuck! God knows what He’s doing. I slowly began to learn to accept there is another way, another path I could take that didn’t lead to absolute destruction; a path that is the way, the truth, and the life…Jesus!
Up to this point, I always believed in God, but I did not think God believed in me. I know now that no one could love creation any more than the Creator. I learned that One who formed the world and created all things in it, loves me. I wanted to know that my God; all-seeing and all-knowing; could do all things, if I would just let Him. I wanted to believe.