I was raised in New Jersey in a large Jewish family. I attended Hebrew School and had my bat mitzvah at the age of 13. I experienced verbal and physical abuse.
Like many Christians, I also felt the hatred and fear from others because of my Jewish faith. There were many days I would wake up only to go outside and find swastikas spray painted on my house, front lawn, and car windows. That was the beginning of my anger, rage, and fear.
I started associating with different crowds of people and that was when I started doing drugs to be accepted. That did not work. I just continued to go deeper into my drug use. There were many times I was doing lethal concoctions of cocaine, GHB, crystal, ecstasy, and valium in hopes that I would close my eyes and never wake up.
I always knew there was something missing in my life, but I never knew what. In my search, I just continued to get high, which led me to legal troubles and being arrested. All the while, it was slowly destroying my family. I was sinking deeper into my addiction and not caring who I harmed along the way.
A large portion of my adult life was spent in and out of jail. You would have thought that would have kept me sober, but it did not. Most times, I was high before even leaving the jail parking lot, even after being in there for a year.
As I continued to sink deeper into my addiction and drifting farther and farther away from my family, I discovered opiates. I could never have thought that tiny blue pill could have such a grip on my life. It was quickly squeezing the life out of me, and I did not care about anyone. How could I when I did not even care about myself.
In February 2008 my father became ill. In the midst of him having a heart attack, I was too high to drive him to the hospital. I made him drive himself. Eight days later, he died. I was so far into my addiction, I barely remember his funeral or the flight back to New Jersey.
I was arrested again on August 9, 2010, after stealing from my brother, his wife and her family. That is when I knew I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I needed to make a serious change in my life before I lost my family completely; or even worse, ended up dead.
I was court ordered to another program but left there after just 5 months. I came to Faith Farm on March 30, 2011. That wast the best day of my life. God has used Faith Farm to save my life.
Faith Farm has taught me to soften my heart, and it allowed me to love others again; and most of all, to love myself. It has taught me to hold my head up high and be proud of who I am and where I came from.
God has filled my life with peace, joy, love, and strength. Most of all, He has given me my family back.