In 2000, there was an empty spot in my heart. With an empty nest, I sought to see if the grass was greener on the other side. I became out of control and I separated from my family. I loved the life of not having to explain my whereabouts or doings.
As that year went on, I still felt that emptiness inside. In the meantime, my family wanted an explanation for my behavior. I really did not have an explanation. I told them I raised my family properly; now it was time for me to see what life could really be like. Since I married at an early age, with an independent attitude and my addiction flaring, I went from proper to out of control.
In 2005 on Mother’s Day, my husband served me with divorce papers, and we did divorce. I did not think it could go that far. I was lonely and I felt as though I had lost my best friend. I dove deeper into my addiction.
Holding a job for sixteen years at a Honda plant, I was fired for my lack of attendance. Still, I had that attitude: Oh well, I have a 401(k), and I can find another job. Well, it is not as easy as one may think; two part-time jobs, and very little of the 401(k) left. Needless to say, I was heading for disaster, turning away from my family who cared while watching me fall. My family wanted to help, but my attitude got in the way. Once again, I shut them out, and I was slipping away from reality.
In 2008, I thought my life was over. I had lost my best friend in a jet ski accident. My husband of 25 years of marriage was now gone. At this time in my life, that once green grass had turned to brown.
November 2011 my daughter came to me stating that she was willing to give me another chance to get my life back together. She would take care of all the expenses for me to seek help for my addiction. I had already hit rock bottom with no money left; no job, eating meals on wheels and about to lose my home. There had to be a change in my life because my way was not working.
The day after Thanksgiving, I said my good-byes and headed to Florida for rehab. I followed all the rules in my classes to help with my addiction. When I was finished with rehab, I still felt that emptiness inside. I had a talk with my roommate. She had convinced me that instead of AA meetings, I should try a Celebrate Recovery meeting.
I grew up knowing who God was but did not have that personal faith. So I said, “Why not? What do I have to lose?” Celebrate Recovering meetings were held at Faith Farm; as soon as I stepped foot on the grounds of Faith Farm, I knew this was the right place for me. I had denied Christ in my heart too long. I found my Prince charming…Jesus Christ.