I was born the youngest of 12 and brought up in a very dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic and my mother was co-dependent. To say the least, I never knew where I fit in. I was always trying to be someone I wasn’t. I was an overweight half-breed and didn’t like the color of my eyes. I was always in trouble. >ooking back, I was just trying to fit in.
I remember when I was 13, my half-brother molested me. And for a guy who just wanted to fit in and be loved, I allowed it to happen. I never told anyone, and for years I hated myself. I started smoking pot and hanging out with the older crowd; again just trying to fit in. It felt good and I was accepted for who I was. At 28, I was sentenced to 3 to 5 years in prison.
I thought my world had ended, and then I heard a small voice inside me saying, “Seek Me.” I did and all was well.
I got released and went back to my old ways again. I found myself drinking and drugging more than ever. I would try to seek help but never listened to what they told me. I would always tell myself it’s not that bad. By this time, I had been in and out of detox, jails, and institutions.
At the age of 32, I met my wife, fell in love and had a baby. I finally felt that I fit in. The only problem was I still did not want to give up the booze and drugs. Thank God she did not put up with it. I realize now she was the best thing that ever happened to me. It wasn’t long before she divorced me. Then my mom died of cancer and I felt all alone. Then there’s more detox and jails.
At the age of 49, I am walking down the street. I see a hole and I fall in. The next day, I am walking down the same street and I see the same hole and I fall in again. Next day, I see the hole and I walk around it; what a concept.
I heard that small voice once again telling me to call detox, they’ll help you. I went back and forth with the Father of the Universe, like I knew better. I was telling God, I’ve been there too many times and I have no money. He told me again. I called and the lady asked me “How long would it take fo ryou to get here?” and I started crying like a baby.
I told the staff at detox, “Either put me in jail or get me in a Christian-based long-term treatment program.” They said Faith Farm was the answer. I told God I would go and do anything He wanted me to do.
When I got to Faith Farm I dove into the Word. I obeyed the ones God placed over me, and today, I can say that I have a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and mankind. My daughter writes me often. My ex-wife speaks to me, and my family tells me how proud they are of me. I am working on my GED. I am able to help others without any other motives, and today, I can say I truly fit in somewhere.